The Kenduri

Abang Razak held a kenduri on Saturday afternoon for very close friends and families at his parents' place in Kelebang, Melaka.

It was a place I have been to before, not knowing that I would come around again to this place. to somebody's house this time. The last time I was around that place was during treasure hunts looking for treasures, beli kat pasaraya Bintang and of course when I was on trips with family and destination was Riviera Bay Resort.

Weather was good, drive was smooth and the"essay" thatAbang read out to me (the direction) was very accurate. This guy of course know his way around even in his sleep.

Kita pun baca map itu sambil mekap pun boleh. Sampai jua ke destinasi.

When we arrived there, ada khemah best di tengah jalan. I can imagine kalau hari Abang kahwin macamana. Satu lorong tu agaknya layan khemah. We were greeted immediately by the cheerful and warm family (ada bapak dia yang hensem dan looks exactly cam bapak Rohani dalam Madu Tiga tu), we almost immediately forget about the afternoon heat. The faces that I have met and all this while looking forward to meet are all there.

Paired with good food (dont you just love authentic home cooked dishes?? *yes, I'm so gonna kill Kiff the ass, for papparazzing me devouring my lunch!) and good company, we all can just throw our heads back and laugh and be ourselves. I hope Abang was happy. The family organised a birthday cake for him and...... he shed a tear. Happy tears that his loved ones are there that afternoon, and sad for him to not see them for 7 weeks starting this Wednesday.

But everyone else, despite we are gonna miss him and cant imagine life without him around for that long, we are also proud of him for elevating himself to another level where everyone can only wish for now, they could.

I was happy to see Kiff, KK, Mr Pooks (PMM), Hain and abang's cousins all made it there and looks like Abang have bound us well.

Cekpakaran and Abang Shidan and kids, as well as Kak Ziah and family arrived a bit later.

On our way home, we wouldnt waste the chance to visit one of the heritage houses that was maintained for pelancong like us.. *heheh* to ambik gambar cam anak2 dan gadis2 desa gitu. auwww..

The Veil

Our smiles seems less surreal now. It lately acts as a veil to our aching hearts, to be apart from Abang Razak for some period a bit over a month, while he makes his journey to the Holy Land, untuk mengerjakan Haji. Our doa and our love for you, for your safe return with Haji mabrur.

Today is his birthday.

We, as usual, are inseparable. We made a point to be inseperable on this day even if it may not take the whole day, but we had excellent lunch and desserts and we, of course were full with laughter and soul-food.

LRT Lagi!

After traumated with the previous kisah LRT, Friday is back again. Me and Che Pah, apa lagi, nothing in mind but shopping tengahari. Tak makan pun, its okay.

But we did book Chakri Palace jugak just in case.

KLCC again, destination in plan. I borrowed Rohaya's monthly pass. Before we stepped out of the office, we read the Doa Perjalanan panjang lebar and doa tawakal. Phobia cam itu hari. We told each other, if the train buat hal, marilah kita makan nasi ayam je at Chicken Rice Shop. When we reached the station everything looks normal.

When we ascend the escalator, I can hear a train whirring up there. Jom la kita lari and catch the train. TETAPI...........train itu tak bergerak. The doors are open for how long since we don't know. The announcement on the electronic signboard reads something like "Passengers please vacate the station using the nearest exit"But the people in the train are still waiting for the train to move. We looked at them, they looked at us.

Duuuuuugaaaaan.. ini kah dugaan untukku!

Ku dan Che Pah turun bawah balik, and staff Putra tu kata "okay je kak boleh naik"Biar betul adik ni. Nilai sebuah nyawa dan harga tiket LRT tak sama tau. Apa-apa pun,we bersyukur that we didnt get on that train. Train tu gerak 10 minutes later. And by that time, of course la I don't know what else could have happened on the way. Time will definitely be wasted in the journey, Chakri Palace ke mana, shopping kasut (kantoi nak beli kasot sebenarnye!) ke mana, time nak berkejar balik ke office lagi incurred. Ok takpe, kali ni tak sedih.

Ni la kot berkat baca doa perjalanan. Hari tu tak baca (obviously). :D

P/S: Abang razak buat lagu as usual.

The thin line between cool and cold

Me and him were seated, watching a lot of things happen and unfold in one night.

In the car I said "Honey, you looked quiet earlier. U okay?"

"yes darling... i'm okay"

"did you actually wanna say something in the middle of it all?"

"No baby. I always believe in action speaks louder than words. As you can clearly see just now"

We both looked outside our side of the car windows.

He just broke the silence with "I love you..."

I turned and asked "oh yeah? why? :D"

" I just do." He drove all the way with one hand on the steering wheel and the other stroking my hair.

Balik tu we both semayang Isyak berjemaah and he held me as long as he could on the sejadah itself.

I sent texts to my friends, cakap aku sayang dia orang jugak.

Thank god it's all over.

Its a dreary.. drearier day

Drearier day? what fak mengarut is that? Actually its derrier kan. I wanna say the day started off with bontot-ness. Great bontot-ness.

Yes, because I had to work on a Monday that the morning kene lah turun hujan yang yummy! And since I cant pull my blanket and sleep and kene cari rezeki, maka I am jealous of those who can sleep further and enjoy the weather perfect to sleep in. That includes my husband.

On Saturday evening, Adik's fever and batuk got much better. Adik woke up and with his muka sardin "maaa, adik dah okay" Alaa cayannnggggg... berkat mama popok-popok and kasi ubat, selimut, dah okay. Mama missed going to Auntie Marissa's hourwarming tho but, since malam tu ada kenduri at Uncle Joe's, let's hit that then.

We took Acik along. Daddy had to work until almost midnight and we all got dressed for the kenduri and 20 minutes before we pushed off, i had a splitting headache!! Cara-cara nak hilangkan headache yang keparat itu is, to vomit, sapu head with minyak cap kapak and telan two panadol actifast. Wow!

Then before keluar rumah, aiyoo kene suap ubat batuk to both kids. Done nursing myself and them, looks like we have to find Uncle Joe's house ourselves. Andri and Hanim have moved on since we dah terlambat. When we reached Jalan Semantan 2, the kenduri started and they are in the midst of Yasin and almost Isyak time.

Azan Isyak was read by Joe. You have proven your voice is ONE HELL OF A VOICE DURING AZAN AND KARAOKE DUDE!!

Amy arrived shortly in time for Isyak prayers.

Makan time, we went round and round the buffet table together and ..... I kid you not, Amy's home made chocolate cake is our aim. It was gorgeous! We very well had our fried chicken, ulam, daging masak kicap, sweet sour fish... but, right after that we dashed for the cake, as fast as we could.

As usual. when we are at a friend's house, ada benda wajib yang kene buat.....
TENGOK GAMBAR2 LAMA DIA KAT DINDING AND KUTUK.. kah kah.
Those days when muka poyo was the in-thing. Zaman diskang. Zaman sekolah. Zaman baru akil baligh.

Then when the time comes to salam Joe's nenek and mum, we are labelled as
1) Mak and anak di anggap adik beradik
2) Budak umor nak masuk 30 tahun dianggap budak sekolah
3) Kawan2 yang berkulit dan berbentuk sama dianggap adik beradik
Boleh gitu?

That night we were given "berkat" before we left. The ladies went back with sehelai kain batik each and two dragon fruits from Joe's kebun.

The men went got themselves kain pelikat and 2 dragon fruits each.

Alhamdulillah. We said our goodbyes and , although we are aware that there is a function that night that USED to matter to us, but we are better off with this kenduri instead.

Our Saturday night, now.

Shit-machine

One fine morning, Ana got out of the door on her way to toilet while I was on the way into the office

Ana: Eh akak.. akak MC ke semalam?
Me: A-ah...
Ana: Akak sakit apa?
Me: Akak berak cair la, Na.....
Ana went "haaaa?? EEEEk" shrieking away.


Don't you just hate it when you have food-poisoning? specially the one with temperature.

My husband used to take care of me and my drama during food poisoning, once upon a time. Some three years ago. It was a miserable moment. We even had a fight because:

"what is this??"
"plain water sayang "
"no its nottttt"
"it is! now drink up"
"please take it away!!"
"honey drink!"
the water tasted normal to everyone else. It was my taste-bud after my "muntah-hijau". It was disgusting. I had water and gas coming out from my mouth and butt. I almost become like Regan (Linda Blair) from the Exorcist!!

Poor guy. He carried me to the car while I was still bitching about the plain water.

I was hospitalised after that. That was the worse poisoning of all.

What did I have? Nasi Lemak La Cucoq! It was afternoon, the nasi lemak couldve been bad. The hospital bill came up to RM2000 something, all because of a RM2.00 nasi lemak. haduuuuuuuuuu! I had a lot of work that day and wanted to get a really fast meal. Ran down to buy and it was the only food I had that day and I ended up throwing up the whole thing and more!

Phuuuh... tak nak la food poisoning lagi please. It's tiring making trips to the toilet with aching tummy and butt.

The show is over say goodbye.....

Today, a friend was told to leave our side.

I am still in a daze of the whirlwind happenings in the past week. The only power I have was to "watch" and be there and seek for "lobangs" for NinMon's plan B.

She's kind, too kind, that she didnt say this to her escorter "please, i need a minute alone..."

She may have lost the "battle" but you have won our hearts with your wit, your thoughfulness, your free-spirit, your good vibes. That I feel sorry for you being surrounded with the opposites of all that, at the place you used to be.

This is life. One minute, you're everyone's darling. But when someone's out there have put on the mode of "seek and destroy" on you, would you move along with your head down, or you fight back harder than they could ever imagine?

I move around the place that shattered NinMons's hopes and dreams, with benefits of a doubt now. I love NinMon... one of the two elder sisters of mine in the office. I fucking love her and I cant' believe this is happening until I secretly pinched myself from the day she received the letter. I keep waking up to something which is not a dream.

Until the next victim's fate be sealed......

The girl who doesn't believe in "Que Sera, Sera" (Part 1)

I am not sure if its in italian or portuguese but it means "what ever will be, will be"

I dont believe in it, as much as the term "perempuan kaum yang lemah" anymore to gain compassion. How do we become who we are today? we fight. I remembered going thru some great times in my life and the blessings I counted. Alhamdulillah, I must've done something good to be blessed this way.

Life's ordeals, I see it simply as the balasan that God have put as life's hurdles for me, for God knows the sins I have committed. Nobody is perfect. And yes, its up to me, it's all in my hands of how I want to fight it.

While the smiles I carve everyday on the surface reflects myself as a happy person, I can say yes, I am happy, but life can never be PERFECT. I am selfish, I want it to be perfect. But since I have not been "working" hard towards perfection myself, how can that be achieved? I have another blog which I could say is FULL of comments from a deranged lunatic. I can say so because no other human being in the world that I deem as that psychotic.

It is someone I know, used to be a friend, I know where she lives, I know who her family is. I may be or seem to be a bad person, but define BAD again?

A human being is always normal on the surface, looks normal, claims to have lots of friends, rich, smart and always telling people around that she is the prettiest of all. Not enough of all the above claims, with all that so-called interesting lifestyle and loved by all, she is everywhere visiting people's blogs and when it comes to my blog and every glimpse of my pictures with friends or families, she turned into a monster that HAS to say something about me even if its a miserable one-liner. I know about people who have so much time in their hands, nerds, internet freaks and those who shiver when they are not connected to world-wide-webs.

It even reached a point where she put up a nickname as my nickname and commented in her own blog so that people will see those statements are as to reflect me. She talks about my sisters, talks about my dead father, talks about my life and whatever she can get hold of, called my children ugly-zombie-kids, brag about her life in her comments to me, brag about her money that can buy thousands of Chivas n Jack Daniels for a long table full of free-loaders, brag about her status that can book a whole floor of a club for private parties for her and her friends and people like me will never get invited and all kinds of other bullshit that doesnt even have a speck of significance in my life, she sends me HUNDREDS of harrassing emails and phone texts which have duely been reported to police and the company where she works, she insults all secretaries are as stupid as I am, she tried to be funny saying that I am a cheapskate for not celebtrating my friends' birthday at a hotel, siap doakan laki aku tinggalkan aku.

On top of it, she says that some of the things she says are meant to be funny., Guess what, nothing she says is funny anymore. She was never funny to me, and never WILL BE. In fact everything she says, is filed by the company she works for. For them to "work" on her. For them to secretly, "get to know" her even though how much she has been bragging there how hebat she is. The cases are filed and pending investigation. Being held in the MOST CAREFUL manner, because the police and the company who is investigating on the above person's activities knows very well they are dealing with a PHYSICALLY CRIPPLED INDIVIDUAL WITH NERVE PROBLEMS DUE TO MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS.

Yes, I know, I may not be in the "place" to fight off a disabled person even though we know she may be crazy due to her illness.

Hanya doa ibu dia saja yang boleh menyelamatkan penyakit dia.
Hanya Allah saja yang boleh mengubah dia.
Mungkin ajal saja yang boleh hentikan kemarahan dia terhadap aku.

To be continued....

The girl who doesn't believe in "Que Sera, Sera" (Part 2)

(Cont).

She has been saying again and again countless of times in emails forwarded to me and my friends that she is going to Mecca to perform Umrah and will pray that I become cripple like her. Did I mention marah? a person becomes vicious like the above is yes, due to anger. The anger which was ignited when I told her off in August 4, 2006 that for a disabled person like her, she talks too much about people, email me pictures of people I dont know and tell me lots of stories about them, she cant stop talking bad about our friends that I love, she is a person that despite suffering an illness such as that dia memang tak sedar diri and sebok pasal clubbing and arak and duit and she talks about me.......... and I tiba-tiba just simply just want her out of my life. Wish she'd just dissapear.

I may have made a small mistake, I realised. I told her off in a public forum when I found out she was talking abt me in there as pointed out by my friend, in the heat of her being at the height of showing off her "kehebatan" dalam tu, fighting/debating with forummers about celebrities and a lot of her postings are in forms of as if dia la orang paling pandai, unconquerable, hebat, sempurna. Then when someone comes in and busted the fact that she is s cripple, maka her ego was TARNISHED somewhat and seakan-akan tewas di "medan perang cyber" dia sendiri.

For that matter, for telling her off, I am paying the price, believe it or not, until today. Being her victim in harassment. Tiap-tiap hari she will click on my blogs just to pick on EVERYTHING I say nak jadikan bahan ketawa dan bahan kutukan dia. Tinggalkan comments until maximum 200 comments! Even though I am quite sure it wont lead to murder even if she has "threatening" statements in her emails. I was adviced by police that even though she sounds threatening as what they read, she is not. She is just a bitter ill person, unmarried at 30 something, wear diapers, can't move or go out on her own when her life paused due to the illness.

I dont know why dia marah sangat. Actually, really, I MEANT WELL masa menegur dia. In my defence I can easily say that I am a person yang tak suka kacau orang. Tak kacau pun. Jauh sekali aku nak mengeji orang cacat. Bila dia tak puas hati, segala blog orang, friendster orang dia masuk mengutuk pasal aku saying that aku hina dia pasal dia cacat. Sampai ada yang menyampah kat dia dan email kat aku balik about what she wrote and not enough with that, they cut and paste what they see she wrote about me and left it in my comment box in my blog. Siap kawan2 dia sendiri email aku to console me after they see what she wrote. Dia orang faham kecacatan dia. Dan dia orang tak faham why she herself tak faham, and not enough with that, she asked them to comment bad things for me in my blog which they smartly REFUSED TO, hence sending me the email. Bukan sorang, but more than 10 people did that! Dia lupa, I have blogging for years. Aku dah lali dengan kata2 caci maki orang kat aku. Mostly from anonymous pun. People that I dont even know. People that don't matter to me. People who are even too scared to tell me their names takut aku bantai derang balik when I know who they are. If her friends do come in and leave malicius comments pun, I can always delete because I dont even know them and there's nothing, no score to settle with them pun.

And again, with a person that repeatedly sounds like the below and on a daily basis in obsessed with verbal-slashing me with all these words, If god, would not/have not granted my doa of her not being in my life anymore due to me being someone imperfect myself, insyallah hanya Doa ibu dia lah yang paling berkat to bantu dia and sembuhkan penyakit yang tak menenang kan dia dari penyakit jiwa yang dah tahap terok tu, sampai dia boleh bermegah2 dengan kata2 di bawah:

“i've not stopped prayin that one day u'll wake up HALF BODY paralyse”

”yes, i will sure PRAY HATRED at the holy land. i'm not perfect, but yes, i never pray BAD for you...” - (sorry la gua tak paham apa dia cakap kat sini)

"memang, my mulut is MASIN, u'll wake up one day with your body HALF PARALYSE"

"I'M A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU, I'M STRONG WILLED, I'M EVEN MORE GOOD LOOKING THAN YOUR STUPID FACE although i have limitations!, my personality supersedes yours! although i have limitations!, my personality supersedes yours! and no i don't pray BAD for you but biar nko rasa badan cacat sebelah satu hari nanti baru tau. jangan nak slander orang cacat, pakai pampers, jalan tempang...seret seret...esok laki nko tingglkan nko baru tau...nko nanti lagi cacat dari orang yg CACAT...the time will come...maybe not now..but later. ."

“i forgot u were not invited... that fact that i drink champagne and had a great birthday party really shows that i'm enjoyin myself”

"just so u know, its a BIRTHDAY, even some of the champagnes are on the house. who wants to be misery on their birthday? and besides, the guests are all tagged with names. guestlist are based on names, NOT headcount. we know for whom we open bottles for. u were not at my birthday and its none of your business! owh, i forgot, u were not invited...because of your viciousness, i have people askin me if i was paralyse...mulut nko tu jahat..tapi TUHAN TU KAYA....kan? he still give the nikmat in life"

The new age jazz chanteuse .. and the friends who adore her

If a picture paints a thousand words....

Atilia's performance is mesmerizing as ever. I sayang you sangat babe, you look cantik giler!

The Board

My "board" members agak busy these days.

Our port can be La Bodega, my living room, Hanim's living room or anywhere that we can letak the Scrabble board.

I thought of playing this on my trip tapi, I dont think Abang Razak and chepakaran are into it.

I know. Mesti they are scared they will lose.

The two nights that Atilia owns

I asked Abang to come to my friend's gig, with the two men he often talk about (Kiff and KK).

Abang dengan sombongnya immediately DISSED my idea saying immediately that he don't like to watch live bands/jazz because he's pious/alim/"jantan lindungan kaabah". I dont know if he even told his two friends about my invitation. But I understand, for someone as anal as Abang, i am not suprised that either he forgot or he purposely dont want Kiff and KK to meet me just in case they "stole the spotlight" from him and he will be in his "dark ages" again.

Since he is so stuck up as hell, I said, never mind lah! Malas aku nak ajak dah.

So I invited NinMon and Atan instead.

Atilia will be performing with her mama, Salamiah Hassan, just like they did last few weeks in No Black Tie. Jr will play his role as the videographer.

Love you tia.

See you tomorrow night.

THE WAR IS OVER BUT WHO WON?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 arrived.

NinMon came to fight the war.

So nice of her to dropped by to say hi to her brother and sister. I wanted to hug her but it is not too nice in my office. People will start to gossip. But Don did it on my behalf. I believe it is for Cekpakaran also. I only managed to say few word and give a thumb up - encouragement for her to go strong and fight till the end.

Then she went off to the battle field, alone.

The war started at about 10.00 a.m.

The war ended by lunch.

The waiting game for the impending declaration of who won the war started immediately.

The question that filled the air would be who won?

Would it be another war in a different battle field?

Lets wait and see. Lets keep on guessing....

What ever happen, we still love our NinMon....

The unfortunate friend and the friends who are standing by for anything at all

*our phone texts went like this -

Me: Beb how are you? bila verdict?
Her: Hi don, I'm okay. Tatau bila verdict.
Me: I'm here. And I love you. I tunggu u balik. Be good.
Her: Huwaaaaa sedey la.. Are u online? ...

Today may seem like any normal day. But when my friend came to "court" today, terubat hati kita orang sebab rindu dia sangat. Rindu her laugh, her smile, her hugs and *yang paling aku nak menitik air mata sekali* I keep thinking of our lunch together 4 "beradik" at Delicious Bangsar not long ago before we all got the bad news. I dont want that to be our last. I want it that way always.

Life after all is not a bed of roses. But I DO want it to be a bed of roses!!

*stomp away*

The shop-whore

In one month and a few days more, am gonna be doing a lot of walking, running, deciding, calculating, cringe-ing, whinge-ing in sleep, arguing, bargaining, bitching, sinning after months of STUDYING (read: window shop kat Malaysia and compare price).

The shop-whoring job in the above picture was when me and my sister combed the streets in London 2 years ago and went crazy with (ok la kasi contoh).... Burberry jacket which costs 900 ringgit lesser than those sold in Malaysia, bags that are 1200 ringgit cheaper than the boutiques in Malaysia.

I definitely WILL cam-whore too (my travel-mates, bear with me). Tak kisah la ambik gambar ngan mamat indon pun Indon lah! am hitting Bandung and Jakarta baby!! and I'm gonna check out some Indonesian Jazz and get my hair done for beratus ringgit more cheaper than kedai A Cut Above in Malaysia. They, over here, wont give-in to my long hair. For my hair length, to highlight and change base color and kasi treatment and basuh rambut sekali and blow dia mau charge almost quarter of my salary. Podah cit, eksyen sama aku ye. Takpe, akan ku bawa rambut ini ke Indon.

I am so happy and excited. I cant contain it anymore. Me and Chepakaran have been counting the dates in our calendars every day.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

I have not been fair to my other half (my blog partner 'la' cum sister cum neighbour) for not contributing to our joint blog. She even threatened me that she would close it down if I fail to post anything. Reverse psychology!

Tommorow is Wednesday, July 18, 2007.

To some people it is just any other day to but NinMon, it is the most important Wednesday ever. This is the day, she will stand for her right and fight for her future.

As I told her before, she has to fight this war alone. Nobody can be with her when she fights this war. Nobody. Should she weeps or bleeds, she has to wipe it herself. Should she tumble down, she has to get up and be on her feet by herself. But, she has to fight and ensure victory. One word must she must always put in her head - come back with victory!

Unlike me, she is not as lucky. I had a superior that stand by me when I needed her most some 17 years ago. But I am confident, at present moment I still have the same quality superior I used to have.

But again, she can count on us. Her sisters and brother. Our support (spiritually) and doa that she will make it through and make a come back. The faster, the better. We wish her all the luck the world could offer.

She cannot fail us. She has to make it through because she has to come back. Otherwise, one piece of the puzzle will be missing.

Tick tock tick tock...the clock is ticking.....

The escape

Listen - Beyonce

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete
Listen,
to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

[Chorus]Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh, Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
Sooo long ago
Ohh I'm free now and my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside on words
Into your arms
All cause you won't Listen...

[Chorus]
I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....
If you won't....

LISTEN..To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete
Oh,Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what,
you made of me
I followed the voice,
you think you gave to me

But now I gotta find, my own..
my ownn...
**********************************************

A wonderful song with deep, deep lyrics.

A song that I sing in my heart (or wished they have in theirs because its a song that portrays strength and courage) when a friend comes up with "I need to tell you something" and its about their marital woes. Issues they cant (or think they cant) resolve due to being a woman. Staying in a marriage they dont wanna be in. Screaming inside, behind a smiling face. Trophy wives, wives that can't escape a marriage due to being dependant financially and emotionally, wives who who are beaten and hurt ovedr and over again, wives who are even confused whose child did they give birth to/still carrying.

I can only talk to them or just listen to what they go through. A war within themselves that they have to win. An emotional battle that consumes them by the day due to hate, anger, sadness and the accumulated wrath that builds by every minute they are beside (or have to be beside) the partner they once knew.

They may be smart at calculating each and every step so that they don't have to suffer further consequences, but until when? Until they come again to me when things recur?

I can only pray... and I hope, they are strong. Strong, hard-willed, and determined of identifying what they want in life. May they all find the answer, which is deep within them.

I did mine. I know they can.

THE Kazardijam

The reading-eye view of the man who is this blog's JV with me.

This was taken in Genting Highlands when we attended our company's teambuilding.

When I first met him, nobody would believe what I am about to say.

DIA EKSYEN!

When I fiest joined the company, I had one of the accountants to take me aroudn and introduced me to everyone. I put out my "hello..." plastic smile to everyone because earlier I heard there was a boo boo made by HR. I was supposed to join a few days later!

I was called in earlier because the person I took over the job from, sort of went MIA.

Whatever happened, there I was, stationed at a cubicle where my fate was sealed. I was officially seated between two other PAs.

Abg Razak was not around when I came. He was almost invisible. The person on my right is Kak Pah. She was this timid and sweet lady that smiled at me whenever I looked her way. To tell you the truth I was confused, because that very same day the secretary who I took over came to work after days of MIA. So the story goes.

Ok la .. things were "handed over" in the most "interesting" way. Yeah. as good as ...might as well have her on MIA.

I managed to study a few things on my own (get the drift?) and askign this and that from my neighbour on the right. The one on the left is... well.. I dont really care about his existence.

A few people came by wanted to send documents and went "Abg Razak mana?". I was still in the middle of "who the hell is that?" and "how the hell should I know" mode. Then I remembered, oh shoot, he's supposed to be my neighbour on the left. Schmucks!

I may look lost and bitter myself in the first few days I was there.

I was actually confused and ACTUALLY lost!

Abang razak apparently did appear after that.. and he minded his business and I minded mine. Even Kak Pah minded hers!

I wasnt even introduced to him properly and in my state of confusion with my messed up and fucked up workstation and even listening about office gossips on my first day, the last thing I wanted to do in those few days were actually to be the friendly fairy.

Then there came the 4th day where the office is celebrating Hari Raya at Restoran Puteri. I dont really know where that is and since everybody is going back after the do, I chose to drive myself. Abang was supposed to receive an award that day and that was when people started telling me of how OTAI he is in the company.

My reaction was.... oh, ok. (<---- eksyen konon)

To cut the story short, today, he is the brother I never had. Yup, things took a 180 degree turn from the moment I met him and even from my previous office. The brother that I relied on for jokes in my blue-est of days. That came with jokes even when I am not blue. My confidante, my clown, my guru on most days.

He is our "lyricist", our tour guide in Bandung and Jakarta, the man who took care of us even masa dekat teambuilding tu like as if we're kids on a school trip!

We had our share of fame (cewah!) at the Fanily Day we organised.

He is the initiator of checking out the headlines of our morning newspapers!

He is our lunch buddy that we miss when he's not around.

He is the guy in our prayers (pray dia selamat dan sejahtera je, takdela sampai pray dapat kahwin/romen dengan dia).

He's the guy that is breaking the heart of someone over and over again unintentionally.

He's getting more "pregnant" by the day hanging out with us.
We love you. All that's to say about you can take the whole night.

Tapi baik aku buat keje lain dari blog pasal abang ni panjang2! ceh....

The bridge

The bridge. Yoga brought me the opportunity to do this after some months of suffering a bad back due to a fall. I fell on my butt in early 2006, bumping down on the last two of the staircase in my house. I was elated, lifted, felt like being in one of those horror movies where the possesed victim is elevated by some unknown powers. Troingggggg...

The Platonic Friendship

This normally works between two people of the opposite sex. Who just can go out, eat ice cream and come home and not even dream about each other.

The reason I have more guy friends are, most of the time, I think I'm one of them.

Its not that I dont like to be friends with girls, but, along the years when I have girlfriends, war break out like hell break loose when I start to speak my mind on things I dont like.

I missed my guys. I do. Not in a sexual way, but I missed slapping their heads and bitching with them. The kind of guys that I can sit hours and hours at a restaurant sampai kene halau sebab nak tutup and move on to another till dawn sampai lori sampah datang pagi nak angkut sampah at the kedai.

I dont mind doing these things once in a while. If I find the chance and time they know that my husband is that "one in a trillion" kind of husband that do not mind them being around me.

Once upon a time there was.....

1) Nizar

He was the ADC of a southern crown prince. During his off-duties, he will come by in one of the royal 4 wheeler and instead of honking me to come out (masa tu takde handphone), he will zonk up the car siren "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwww!" and i will come out with a "will you shut the fuck up??"

After office hours, we would go "round round KL" and he will belanja me at really quiet places where we can park our royal automobile peacefully. Traffic jam was not a problem. We cut thru the massive jam with..... ehem.... the siren. :D The wailing of the siren and tinted glass works damn well to get us through the "keluar jalan2 and minum kejap"

2) Mr B and C

The two Johannians are like my friends since I was in early secondary. Mr B, came way back longer. Since we were in Tadika Chong!

Enuff with the fact that I did have a big crush on Mr C (sekarang tak please!).

When we grew up, when girls are having huge crushes on Mr B, I was the only probably weird one that didnt.

I have loooong stories to tell about them. Even though C got married much2 later than me and B, me and B went through separate marital mishaps together. We were practically helping each other through with our maybe little known, but, wisdoms for each other that helped a lot. He even was the person that my sister relied on for home cooked food in London when he's on duty there. He will bring frozen siput sedut and other masakan kampung for her. We just hung out to share problems till late, be it at our doorsteps. Dia macam, borak kat gate, then masuk duduk kat pintu, then lepak kat living room. Do absolutely nothing and everything, main foosball, main hujan, bawak keta laju2, hisap rokok sama2, pegi Piccad.

We all once took a car and even took some flowers from the roadside and re-planted them in our houses at 3 am. Kriminal juvana betul.

We all have since found our partners. But time to hang out together and re-live the good old days are most welcomed.

I will talk about more of these idiots as I blog along.

Nak gi masak kejap.

"THE" Station 21

Okay this is nothing like Platform 9 and 3quarters in Harry Potter.

This is in fact has got nothing to do with train.

Have any of you felt the oooomph of eating Burger Ramly (or what me and my sisters call burger kampong/burger murah)?

The adrenaline rush we get out of the burger Ramly is higher ten folds from our occasional 17 ringgit (without tax) burger from Chillis.

Station 21, is the BURGER RAMLY of San Francisco Steakhouse, Jakes, Victoria Station and other steak joints we could find!

At Station 21 Bangsar was where me and my abah use to hang out at times, sometimes with the family, and most often we would take my sister there when she's back for her summer holidays when she was studying.

The succulent steaks. chicken and lamb chops are to die for till today.

My father had his days of scouring hotels, Le Coq D'or, Coliseum Cafe and some other places that serves western goodies from even all over the world. Then till he stumbled upon something which is actually in his own "backyard" at the Jolly Green Giant building. Yup, where all the stalls are. Everything was under one roof so bringing friends there was never a problem from food choices to budget. It fits just about ANYONE!

I even brought some of my boyfriends there.

Then after I got married, my husband pulak had acquired taste for the food there!

My abah would come almost every week. The abang2 there would know his favourite Black Pepper Steak would be the item to be ordered. So all that my abah had to say was "bagi yang biasa yea.." And those abang really got on their feet to serve their regular "pakcik" as one of the fastest to be served.

Since my abah is in heaven now (Al fatihah), my and my husband would frequent this place and some other places which holds strong memories of me and my abah. I would never know who his favourite child but I am sure he treats all of us the same. Concentrating at least on one biggest part in each of our lives. But on my part as far as I can remember, since my sisters were pretty small at that time, until they have grown and gone to school, I was that daughter that my father took on food-trips, mostly when he meet his friends or business partners (this uncle, that uncle and their weird kids that some I find myself talking to them and some tak layan pun takpe), I was the "guest star" busybody who just sit there reading the menu (more like studying) what's served in North Indian, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Thai restaurants. He taught me to be adventurous with food and seeing things positively and not scorn at weird stuff other people or other cultures call food.

As the result of that, I grew up to eat just about anything, tasted things that I am not sure even my mom had. If anyone were to put me to eat the weirdest, grossest concoction on Fear Factor, I could actually gulp/gobble them (yes of course with USD50,000 or whatever monetary amount offered in the show as my goal!).

At one time, I took up kickboxing, I lost 12 kgs in almost 2 months and kept on losing even a year after that. I looked like a skeleton because someone told me so!! I lost boobs, butts and money due to buying new clothes of size 6 and 8. It may not sound as sad as that in the modelling world but I hated how I looked. I may have the figure, size, everyone wanted, but since I was a weird child, I hated it! I was thin and broke because bras, mind you, dont come cheap. My undies killed my wallet and budget. Even stretch marks that appeared after losing weight made me broke too having to buy ridiculous creams to see them miraculously disappear. Like, hello?

So, the statement of "kau ni dah macam tengkorak" actually worked. I thanked the idiot who called me that. I needed my boobs back! I dont want them to hang like puckered apples anymore.

And so, I am back being my 50-something kg self again. And loving it while I stay this way. I dont wanna go back to my tengkorak clothes again. I should know my body by now. I dont want to lose the "squeezable" parts. They are assets, man!!

So here I am somewhere between the tengkorak and wobbly-fat body. Looks like I can neither be one of them. Moderateness is the key. The need to move, walk briskly, run, climb, swim, fold and flex, dance are all necessities when we need to.

Alhamdulillah, most of all, is the ability to move and how I choose to go about it.

The Cry Baby

I officially can call myself the above.

Gosh I cry a lot. I am like a broken dam.

But heck, I know the reasons I cry to. I just had to sometimes. Its better than throwing things around, go throw up out in disgust or just yell away and say hurtful things.

So I just let the "water" flow. It's got a calming after-effect.

Guess what. It may look like I make this a weak habit of mine. But normally, all my life, its my way of dusting things off to get up again.

The blues

I consoled someone who cried today. When I was acually the one who needed more strength.

Everybody else is laughing and eating and drinking and it was a lively and merry scenario.

I felt empty, and low.

Sigh

i will feel better soon. I know.

The ward, the patin and the scrabble

Am gonna visit my friend in a few minutes.

We are gonna have some scrabble tournament right smack in his ward. He's gonna relate his "abcess" story and how he got it.

His pregnant wife Hanim, another friend of mine is gonna eat some Patin fish I bought for her during lunch. I saw her YM that the kedai she wanted to get her patin fix from is closed today. So I quietly bought for her.

I know the craving. How it felt. How cravingly craving it felt. I remembered. I even remembered the loathing of a few foodstuff and turnign my favourite food into my list of "euwwws".


Ok its Maghrib. Gotta go. Now where's my phone?

The Beginning - The Sequel

I don't want to be outdone, so, I need to squeeze my 'dead brain' harder as to contribute to our newly born baby blog (boy or girl?) even though I am so tired and sleepy. It is a Sunday baby, so don't be surprise if the baby grown up to be lazy like my receptionist in the office.

My brain dead again...

The Movie of the Year - Transformers

Before my husband brought me to the movies to watch Transformers the movie, I said "Yang, just so you know, just in case I doze off, that's coz am not a fan of this robot-nonsense". He just smiled and assured me that its gonna be good. *Sigh*.. The things I'd do for him.

By the end of this week, I am proud to say that I have watched it twice this week and will be one of the first to get the pirated DVD from the cina DVD's kedai.

The awesome movie brought out the kid in my husband, he was beaming and the second time round, with the kids in tow, both he and Danial my son, were going "woah!" /"awesome!" /"woooooo!!" throughout the movie with both having Optimus Prime and Bumblebee as their favourites. Me and my daughter Farah loved the movie so much as well and of course the theme song from Linkin Park (What I've Done) that has been our favourite for months.

When I was little, I'd come back from school, grab my plate of rice and lauk that my grandmother had prepared and sat down at the table to eat lunch with her, while she also fed my little sisters. Then she will remind me to perform my solat Zuhur with her. After doing some homework and reading, I took a short nap. The difference in these daily rituals are normally the TV channels that I switched. I was a fan of Electric Company, Sesame Street, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl and my biggest favourite and what I dreamt to be Jem and the Holograms (darn, those days thought me what glam-rock was!). It definitely put me in a typical dreamy mode in between my homework and dinnertime. I was in a world of my own!

See, I never liked Transformers. To me, they are just.. robots that went "owk...owk..owk..owk..owk..". Like those things will never reach our shores. What did, was glam rock (even though I knew I couldnt have pink hair).

If Jem and the Holograms are made into a movie, I would catch it at the first day of its screening just like how I would catch the Sex and the City-The Movie which is only beginning the day of its filming soon :P

The beginning

I dont really wanna introduce myself coz that's so lame. I'm just writing this for the sake of just filling in this very first post to break the ice of this newly created territory of me and my beloved friend, brother and confidante, Abang Razak.