The girl who doesn't believe in "Que Sera, Sera" (Part 1)

I am not sure if its in italian or portuguese but it means "what ever will be, will be"

I dont believe in it, as much as the term "perempuan kaum yang lemah" anymore to gain compassion. How do we become who we are today? we fight. I remembered going thru some great times in my life and the blessings I counted. Alhamdulillah, I must've done something good to be blessed this way.

Life's ordeals, I see it simply as the balasan that God have put as life's hurdles for me, for God knows the sins I have committed. Nobody is perfect. And yes, its up to me, it's all in my hands of how I want to fight it.

While the smiles I carve everyday on the surface reflects myself as a happy person, I can say yes, I am happy, but life can never be PERFECT. I am selfish, I want it to be perfect. But since I have not been "working" hard towards perfection myself, how can that be achieved? I have another blog which I could say is FULL of comments from a deranged lunatic. I can say so because no other human being in the world that I deem as that psychotic.

It is someone I know, used to be a friend, I know where she lives, I know who her family is. I may be or seem to be a bad person, but define BAD again?

A human being is always normal on the surface, looks normal, claims to have lots of friends, rich, smart and always telling people around that she is the prettiest of all. Not enough of all the above claims, with all that so-called interesting lifestyle and loved by all, she is everywhere visiting people's blogs and when it comes to my blog and every glimpse of my pictures with friends or families, she turned into a monster that HAS to say something about me even if its a miserable one-liner. I know about people who have so much time in their hands, nerds, internet freaks and those who shiver when they are not connected to world-wide-webs.

It even reached a point where she put up a nickname as my nickname and commented in her own blog so that people will see those statements are as to reflect me. She talks about my sisters, talks about my dead father, talks about my life and whatever she can get hold of, called my children ugly-zombie-kids, brag about her life in her comments to me, brag about her money that can buy thousands of Chivas n Jack Daniels for a long table full of free-loaders, brag about her status that can book a whole floor of a club for private parties for her and her friends and people like me will never get invited and all kinds of other bullshit that doesnt even have a speck of significance in my life, she sends me HUNDREDS of harrassing emails and phone texts which have duely been reported to police and the company where she works, she insults all secretaries are as stupid as I am, she tried to be funny saying that I am a cheapskate for not celebtrating my friends' birthday at a hotel, siap doakan laki aku tinggalkan aku.

On top of it, she says that some of the things she says are meant to be funny., Guess what, nothing she says is funny anymore. She was never funny to me, and never WILL BE. In fact everything she says, is filed by the company she works for. For them to "work" on her. For them to secretly, "get to know" her even though how much she has been bragging there how hebat she is. The cases are filed and pending investigation. Being held in the MOST CAREFUL manner, because the police and the company who is investigating on the above person's activities knows very well they are dealing with a PHYSICALLY CRIPPLED INDIVIDUAL WITH NERVE PROBLEMS DUE TO MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS.

Yes, I know, I may not be in the "place" to fight off a disabled person even though we know she may be crazy due to her illness.

Hanya doa ibu dia saja yang boleh menyelamatkan penyakit dia.
Hanya Allah saja yang boleh mengubah dia.
Mungkin ajal saja yang boleh hentikan kemarahan dia terhadap aku.

To be continued....

The girl who doesn't believe in "Que Sera, Sera" (Part 2)

(Cont).

She has been saying again and again countless of times in emails forwarded to me and my friends that she is going to Mecca to perform Umrah and will pray that I become cripple like her. Did I mention marah? a person becomes vicious like the above is yes, due to anger. The anger which was ignited when I told her off in August 4, 2006 that for a disabled person like her, she talks too much about people, email me pictures of people I dont know and tell me lots of stories about them, she cant stop talking bad about our friends that I love, she is a person that despite suffering an illness such as that dia memang tak sedar diri and sebok pasal clubbing and arak and duit and she talks about me.......... and I tiba-tiba just simply just want her out of my life. Wish she'd just dissapear.

I may have made a small mistake, I realised. I told her off in a public forum when I found out she was talking abt me in there as pointed out by my friend, in the heat of her being at the height of showing off her "kehebatan" dalam tu, fighting/debating with forummers about celebrities and a lot of her postings are in forms of as if dia la orang paling pandai, unconquerable, hebat, sempurna. Then when someone comes in and busted the fact that she is s cripple, maka her ego was TARNISHED somewhat and seakan-akan tewas di "medan perang cyber" dia sendiri.

For that matter, for telling her off, I am paying the price, believe it or not, until today. Being her victim in harassment. Tiap-tiap hari she will click on my blogs just to pick on EVERYTHING I say nak jadikan bahan ketawa dan bahan kutukan dia. Tinggalkan comments until maximum 200 comments! Even though I am quite sure it wont lead to murder even if she has "threatening" statements in her emails. I was adviced by police that even though she sounds threatening as what they read, she is not. She is just a bitter ill person, unmarried at 30 something, wear diapers, can't move or go out on her own when her life paused due to the illness.

I dont know why dia marah sangat. Actually, really, I MEANT WELL masa menegur dia. In my defence I can easily say that I am a person yang tak suka kacau orang. Tak kacau pun. Jauh sekali aku nak mengeji orang cacat. Bila dia tak puas hati, segala blog orang, friendster orang dia masuk mengutuk pasal aku saying that aku hina dia pasal dia cacat. Sampai ada yang menyampah kat dia dan email kat aku balik about what she wrote and not enough with that, they cut and paste what they see she wrote about me and left it in my comment box in my blog. Siap kawan2 dia sendiri email aku to console me after they see what she wrote. Dia orang faham kecacatan dia. Dan dia orang tak faham why she herself tak faham, and not enough with that, she asked them to comment bad things for me in my blog which they smartly REFUSED TO, hence sending me the email. Bukan sorang, but more than 10 people did that! Dia lupa, I have blogging for years. Aku dah lali dengan kata2 caci maki orang kat aku. Mostly from anonymous pun. People that I dont even know. People that don't matter to me. People who are even too scared to tell me their names takut aku bantai derang balik when I know who they are. If her friends do come in and leave malicius comments pun, I can always delete because I dont even know them and there's nothing, no score to settle with them pun.

And again, with a person that repeatedly sounds like the below and on a daily basis in obsessed with verbal-slashing me with all these words, If god, would not/have not granted my doa of her not being in my life anymore due to me being someone imperfect myself, insyallah hanya Doa ibu dia lah yang paling berkat to bantu dia and sembuhkan penyakit yang tak menenang kan dia dari penyakit jiwa yang dah tahap terok tu, sampai dia boleh bermegah2 dengan kata2 di bawah:

“i've not stopped prayin that one day u'll wake up HALF BODY paralyse”

”yes, i will sure PRAY HATRED at the holy land. i'm not perfect, but yes, i never pray BAD for you...” - (sorry la gua tak paham apa dia cakap kat sini)

"memang, my mulut is MASIN, u'll wake up one day with your body HALF PARALYSE"

"I'M A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU, I'M STRONG WILLED, I'M EVEN MORE GOOD LOOKING THAN YOUR STUPID FACE although i have limitations!, my personality supersedes yours! although i have limitations!, my personality supersedes yours! and no i don't pray BAD for you but biar nko rasa badan cacat sebelah satu hari nanti baru tau. jangan nak slander orang cacat, pakai pampers, jalan tempang...seret seret...esok laki nko tingglkan nko baru tau...nko nanti lagi cacat dari orang yg CACAT...the time will come...maybe not now..but later. ."

“i forgot u were not invited... that fact that i drink champagne and had a great birthday party really shows that i'm enjoyin myself”

"just so u know, its a BIRTHDAY, even some of the champagnes are on the house. who wants to be misery on their birthday? and besides, the guests are all tagged with names. guestlist are based on names, NOT headcount. we know for whom we open bottles for. u were not at my birthday and its none of your business! owh, i forgot, u were not invited...because of your viciousness, i have people askin me if i was paralyse...mulut nko tu jahat..tapi TUHAN TU KAYA....kan? he still give the nikmat in life"

The new age jazz chanteuse .. and the friends who adore her

If a picture paints a thousand words....

Atilia's performance is mesmerizing as ever. I sayang you sangat babe, you look cantik giler!

The Board

My "board" members agak busy these days.

Our port can be La Bodega, my living room, Hanim's living room or anywhere that we can letak the Scrabble board.

I thought of playing this on my trip tapi, I dont think Abang Razak and chepakaran are into it.

I know. Mesti they are scared they will lose.

The two nights that Atilia owns

I asked Abang to come to my friend's gig, with the two men he often talk about (Kiff and KK).

Abang dengan sombongnya immediately DISSED my idea saying immediately that he don't like to watch live bands/jazz because he's pious/alim/"jantan lindungan kaabah". I dont know if he even told his two friends about my invitation. But I understand, for someone as anal as Abang, i am not suprised that either he forgot or he purposely dont want Kiff and KK to meet me just in case they "stole the spotlight" from him and he will be in his "dark ages" again.

Since he is so stuck up as hell, I said, never mind lah! Malas aku nak ajak dah.

So I invited NinMon and Atan instead.

Atilia will be performing with her mama, Salamiah Hassan, just like they did last few weeks in No Black Tie. Jr will play his role as the videographer.

Love you tia.

See you tomorrow night.

THE WAR IS OVER BUT WHO WON?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 arrived.

NinMon came to fight the war.

So nice of her to dropped by to say hi to her brother and sister. I wanted to hug her but it is not too nice in my office. People will start to gossip. But Don did it on my behalf. I believe it is for Cekpakaran also. I only managed to say few word and give a thumb up - encouragement for her to go strong and fight till the end.

Then she went off to the battle field, alone.

The war started at about 10.00 a.m.

The war ended by lunch.

The waiting game for the impending declaration of who won the war started immediately.

The question that filled the air would be who won?

Would it be another war in a different battle field?

Lets wait and see. Lets keep on guessing....

What ever happen, we still love our NinMon....

The unfortunate friend and the friends who are standing by for anything at all

*our phone texts went like this -

Me: Beb how are you? bila verdict?
Her: Hi don, I'm okay. Tatau bila verdict.
Me: I'm here. And I love you. I tunggu u balik. Be good.
Her: Huwaaaaa sedey la.. Are u online? ...

Today may seem like any normal day. But when my friend came to "court" today, terubat hati kita orang sebab rindu dia sangat. Rindu her laugh, her smile, her hugs and *yang paling aku nak menitik air mata sekali* I keep thinking of our lunch together 4 "beradik" at Delicious Bangsar not long ago before we all got the bad news. I dont want that to be our last. I want it that way always.

Life after all is not a bed of roses. But I DO want it to be a bed of roses!!

*stomp away*